But what if we can't simply forgive, forget, and move on? Some serious offenses are difficult to overcome, and some hurts run very deep. Sometimes a spouse has a difficult time forgiving something that others might consider trivial. In other cases, the level of resentment reaches a point where the spouse is unable to forget about it and move on with the relationship.
In these situations, we need to rely on the healing power of the Savior's Atonement. His Atonement not only allows us to repent of our sins; it also heals those who suffer and grieve. Certainly it comforts those who sorrow because they have been hurt by their spouse. During the process of the Atonement, the Savior suffered all of the pain, sorrow, and grief that we will experience in this life. Because of His atoning sacrifice, He shoulders the pain that we experience, which gives us the ability to overcome these hurts and to heal and forgive our spouse.
President James E. Faust (1920–2007) said: "Our Redeemer took upon Himself all the sins, pains, infirmities, and sicknesses of all who have ever lived and will ever live. No one has ever suffered in any degree what He did. He knows our mortal trials by firsthand experience. …
"The Atonement not only benefits the sinner but also benefits those sinned against—that is, the victims. By forgiving 'those who trespass against us' (Joseph Smith Translation, Matthew 6:13), the Atonement brings a measure of peace and comfort to those who have been innocently victimized by the sins of others. The basic source for the healing of the soul is the Atonement of Jesus Christ."4
A few years ago, I had the opportunity of serving as the bishop of a married student ward. I had wonderful people come into my office devastated because they had been terribly hurt by the actions of their spouse. Through their tears they would ask, "Bishop, how can I ever forgive my spouse?" We would then talk about the Atonement and its ability to heal broken hearts and to give us the ability to forgive.
As a bishop, I saw miracles. I saw individuals repent of their sins and earn back the trust of their spouses. I saw brokenhearted spouses find peace and the ability to forgive. I saw couples that were on the verge of divorce humble themselves, look inward, take responsibility, apologize for mistakes, and forgive each other. Every one of these miracles was made possible by the healing power of the Atonement.
Now don't misunderstand. There are situations where forgiveness does not mean staying in a relationship that is abusive or dangerous. There are some scenarios where divorce may be the proper choice. But even in these cases, the Atonement can bring personal healing.
May we be willing to take responsibility for our own sins and weaknesses that create stress and pain in our marriages. May we use the power of the Atonement to allow the Savior to heal our hurts and sorrows to help us fully forgive our spouses. I testify that the Savior not only heals broken souls; He also heals broken hearts. If we allow Him to help us sincerely repent and freely forgive, our lives and our marriages will be blessed throughout eternity.
Repentance and forgiveness are complementary principles. Both invite the healing power of the Atonement to wash over us so that we can maintain peace and harmony in our marriage.
Just as our sins and weaknesses are washed away through repentance, forgiveness washes away the hurts and emotional injuries that must be anticipated in being married to someone who is imperfect.
Photographs by David Stoker
1.Joe J. Christensen, One Step at a Time: Building a Better Marriage, Family, and You, 39.
2.Ezra Taft Benson, "Beware of Pride," Ensign, May 1989, 6–7.
3.Boyd K. Packer, "The Balm of Gilead," New Era, Aug. 1979, 39.
4.James E. Faust, "The Atonement: Our Greatest Hope," Ensign, Nov. 2001, 19–20.
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